Constant arguing and bickering can make a marriage extremely hard, but finding a way to eliminate these things from a relationship is not easy. If you and your spouse fight, argue, and disagree about everything, you might be able to learn how to eliminate these things from your marriage by attending couples counseling. Counseling is worth a try for any type of marital issue, and here are a few things you should know about how counseling may help you and your spouse stop arguing so much.
It Does Not Offer An Instant Answer
While many couples think they can visit a counselor once or twice and find all the answers they need, you should realize that this is not true. Counselors are not miracle workers, and they cannot help you solve problems overnight.
Counseling is an effective tool to use, though, but it takes time and effort. It will work best if you are both committed to making it work and finding the answers, and if you can both commit to seeking help for as long as necessary. Many couples are able to work out problems by attending 8 to 16 times.
Counseling Will Help You Find The Real Issues
Arguing is not something that can usually be completely eliminated from a marriage, but you might be able to reduce the frequency of your arguing if you can target what the real issues are. For example, if a major fight begins when your spouse suddenly gets angry because he or she cannot find the remote control, the argument is really not about the remote control. The minor issue of not being able to find the remote control is most likely just a trigger for a deeper, bigger issue.
One goal of counseling is to find these deeper, bigger issues. If this is possible, and if you can work through these issues, you may no longer fight about small, trivial issues like the location of the remote control.
For example, you might discover that one spouse has built-up anger issues from feeling that he or she is not valued by the other partner. If this is the case, this spouse might lash out at small things, simply because he or she is angry inside about other things.
You Can Learn Better Techniques For Arguing
The third thing to know is that counseling will help you learn good techniques for arguing. Every couple argues and disagrees about certain things, but there are right and wrong ways to do this. If you could learn the right ways to argue and put them into practice, you might notice a significant change in the way you and your spouse work through disagreements and problems. Here are some techniques your counselor may teach you:
- How to speak clearly and calmly about your feelings – Many fights can start when a person lashes out instead of stating calmly how he or she feels. If you can learn how to start a conversation the right way, the conversation may go smoother.
- The value of waiting to give a reply – Fights can also escalate when the other person feels defensive and reacts quickly to the spouse's feelings, statements, or complaints. Learning to listen carefully and wait to respond can help with this issue.
- How to empathize – Empathy is the ability to see someone else's feelings and have the ability to respond with compassion and understanding. This is a valuable thing to learn and put into practice with your marriage.
There are many other techniques you can learn through counseling that may help your marriage issues. If you are ready to take a step that will help you have a better marriage, contact a center, like Drake Counseling Services, that offers couple's counseling.